Confusion

I'm not sure how this is possible, but there is one thing that throughout high school has almost always confused me. But at the same time, it's the one thing I feel I've learned the most about. I've been at a perpetual level of confusion for over 3 years. And yet, I think this is the only solid idea that I'm coming away with.
I've cried, I've laughed, I've been the epitome of happiness and of sadness. It's made me expressive as well as speechless.
This, I care about it so much, but have had overwhelming feelings not to. I wanted for so long to understand and now, I have mixed feeling about wanting to understand and having to accept the truth. Doing so makes it a reality, and after 3 years, I think I'm even less ready for it to be a reality. It was so pleasant not knowing, and being able to dream any way I wanted to.
All this time it been just that, a dream of sorts. Now whether good, bad, or indifferent, it's coming to a point, a jumping off point perhaps. A fork in the road that can't be ignored for much longer.