Busier than I thought...

The last month has just flown by. And it has been amazing.
Hawaii was so beautiful. Snorkeling in Shark Cove was breathtaking. But I didn't see any sharks. And shopping in Waikiki was a lot of fun. Cheesecake Factory was superb :) Overall the trip was a blast. But to be honest, I think Hawaii is a little overrated.
Even though Hawaii was awesome, I was very happy to come home and be with my boyfriend. I never knew I could miss someone so much until I was a thousand miles and 4 time zones away from him.
Jonathan = :)
The Father's day tornado that tore through Billings was quite the rush. My family plus Jon were at my grandparents house in the heights. We were about a mile if not less from where the tornado touched down. The storm, mostly the hail, did some pretty heavy damage to my grandparents house. Their insurance is paying for a new roof, new skylights and new paint. There basement was completely flooded, as was my house's. Everyone's cars suffered bad hail damage and both my parents cars are considered totaled. Luckily no one was injured. And Jon was with me so I didn't have to worry about him.
Fourth of July weekend was great. Jon and I joined my family camping at Ackley Lake. We had lots of fun hanging out and talking around the campfire. The fireworks at the lake were impressive. It was a grand ol' time.

All in all, my summer has been nothing short of wonderful. I hope yours is as well.

It's Facebook official now!

:) I be happy!

I'm in a real good place

In 36 hours I'll be on a plane on my way to Hawaii with my family. There are 17 of us going. I'm really excited.
And I received about $3000 of graduation money. $2500 was from my grandparents. I'm saving about half for tuition this year and livin big with the rest. I'm planning on visiting my April in DC. :) Then possibly going on a Caribbean cruise. I'm definitely going to the National Folk Festival in Butte and camping out with my good friend from up north Brigitte. I really want to go to Vegas and see the guys from Pawn Stars, cuz it's only my favorite show.
Besides all that, my personal relationships are brightening, one in particular :)
I feel like things are finally going the way I want them to and it makes me happy to an untold degree. Something I've waited for/wanted for a long time is coming into being. :D Yay!

Confusion

I'm not sure how this is possible, but there is one thing that throughout high school has almost always confused me. But at the same time, it's the one thing I feel I've learned the most about. I've been at a perpetual level of confusion for over 3 years. And yet, I think this is the only solid idea that I'm coming away with.
I've cried, I've laughed, I've been the epitome of happiness and of sadness. It's made me expressive as well as speechless.
This, I care about it so much, but have had overwhelming feelings not to. I wanted for so long to understand and now, I have mixed feeling about wanting to understand and having to accept the truth. Doing so makes it a reality, and after 3 years, I think I'm even less ready for it to be a reality. It was so pleasant not knowing, and being able to dream any way I wanted to.
All this time it been just that, a dream of sorts. Now whether good, bad, or indifferent, it's coming to a point, a jumping off point perhaps. A fork in the road that can't be ignored for much longer.

some silly survey

Does anyone of the opposite sex have the same name as you?
Jessie, yes, but not Jessica

You watch 'The Simpsons' right?
used to

Is there a girl that you would do absolutely anything for?
family

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
I'm just in a bad mood.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Not that I'm aware of

Are you dating the last person you talked to?
nope

Would you consider painting your bedroom purple?
no

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
dillards

Are there any posters in your room?
no

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
not particularly, they're kinda expensive

What is stressing you out most right now?
school

Are you a talkative person?
at times

What kind of neighborhood do you live in?
a "dangerous" and "impoverished" kind of one.

Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you?
not really. of the 3 beer bothers me the most

What was the last thing that made you crack up hardest?
Jon's laptop talking to him

What was the last thing you tripped over?
the new furniture, not used to it

Do you think mailmen deliver their own mail?
i would imagine. But they may also use po boxes, for pure convenience

Will you be one of those old people with 11 cats?
never, i can't stand pet hair

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies?
yep

Have you ever been called beautiful?
sure

Take your pick, cupcakes or muffins?
uh cupcakes duh, frosting = sugar

Do you like waffles?
frozen waffles, not big on the fresh ones

Do you wish someone would call you?
not really

Have you ever heard a young child swear?
my brothers swear a lot

Your phone rings. What is your ring tone?
idk, some generic nokia ring tone

Did you go anywhere today?
school, otl, Jon's, home

Anything upset you lately?
yep

How is your hair?
blah

who's house did you last walk to?
I don't really walk anywhere.

Last time you had someone sleep over? And who?
it's been years. Friends never come to my house

What's bothering you right now?
my mood

Do you get jealous easily?
yeah, very much so

Do you have any plans for the day after tomorrow?
thursday, no.

What time did you wake up today?
5:45

What were you doing two nights ago?
sunday, I went to fellowship

Name something you can't wait for:
high school to be over

How much cash do you have on you?
none, twenty in my purse though

What were you doing at midnight last night?
texting in my sleep, haha found that out this morning

Are you happy with the way things are going in your life?
yea

Can you easily tell if someone's fake?
it takes me a few encounters, but i can usually tell

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out your life?
family

Is it hard for you to get over someone?
no, not at all

Does someone like you right now?
i'm not sure

Can you call your ex without it being awkward?
no, it would be pretty awkward

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed on the lips?
yeah

Will you be in a relationship one month from now?
i dont think so

Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed?
i could, but i usually don't

Is your room ever clean?:
no

Do you drink bottled water?
when we have it at home

Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
can't say they are

Do you hate the last person who called you?
it was my mommy, so no

Think back five months ago, what was your relationship status?
single, as I am now.

Name something you liked about the day you're having?
I felt very productive in newspaper

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
i've been in a bad mood this afternoon

If you are being extremely quiet, what does that mean?
im probably pissed, or annoyed

Think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them?
yea, i guess so

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single?
I believe he is

Does anyone disgust you?
that's a little harsh, but there are a few ppl that nearly disgust me

When was the last time you cried?
within the last week, i think

Why was that?
emotional about school ending

What was the last thing you did before you went to bed lastnite?
texted jon

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
confusing

Did you mean it when you said "I love you" last?
i'm sure i did, because it was to a family member

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
yea, i'm a "slut face" but w/e

List three things near you?
cell phone, pillows, diet pepsi

Is your birthday soon?
noooo

Do you like winter?
for christmas and snowboarding

Are you friends with your ex?
kinda

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
today

Who did you spend your summer with last year?
the gang, April, Kade, Kevin, Cherokee, Danae, Tim, all them folks

Did you wear what you are wearing today for a specific reason?
yea, i didn't want to wear jeans AT ALL

What's bothering you right now?
isn't that the third time i've been asked that

Have you lost friends in the past year?
yeah i guess

Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out?
we have talk about it, haven't done so though

What does the last text message in your inbox say?
too long to type

Tell me about the outfit your wearing
my brown business casual outfit

What color are your nails?
clear polish

What's your favorite song at the moment?
don't have one.

Naps

Naps are such a lovely thing. I took a nap today and it was fantastic. Middle of the afternoon, nothing better to do, eyes slowly shutting as I try to type. I finally put down my laptop, turned up my electric blanket, snoozed for a good 2 hours.
One thing I find interesting is to listen to other people's conversations when they think you're asleep. My bedroom is connected to the living room, so I can hear every conversation that takes place in there.
Naps seem like quite the necessity nowadays. Nowadays being the winding down of my senior year. I don't have a job and all of my extracurriculars are over, so I'm left with empty afternoons that are perfect for naps.

If you read a blogger's blog...

they'll want a comment too!


I feel like I've burned a lot of bridges this year, without even meaning to. I know a couple I've been able to mend, but some are pretty heavy on my heart at the moment.

Like most humans(pure speculation there) I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong. I have an even harder time apologizing and actually meaning it. There are some people that I absolutely pour my heart out to. But few of them live in Billings. I have a difficult time expressing my feelings, til they're so strong that I'm in tears. That is something I really need to work on.

Self improvement or self loathing?

Right now I feel kinda terrible because I know I did something wrong, but in trying to fix it, I think I exploded the problem to be a lot worse than if I had kept my mouth shut. I know it was the right thing to do, and I'm proud of myself for making the decision, but I still feel bad.
*Sigh* The right thing is rarely the easy thing, but in the end I know I'll be better off.

There are a lot of ways to screw something up. Even though I'm trying so hard not too, every time I turn around, I have. I'm beginning to second guess myself, and I think that's gonna be even worse.

Words of wisdom would be appreciated now.

Thanks

College and the like

In about November I decided I would be going to Rocky Mountain College to continue my education. I applied in January and was accepted about a week and a half later. In mid February I received a letter that congratulated me on receiving an $11,000 scholarship from the school. I then did early action and was an official Rocky student on February 15.
Since my acceptance I've received countless letters from school officials including the president of the school, deans, and councilors. I don't know if that is normal because Rocky was the only school I applied to. But whether it is or not, it makes me feel welcome there.

Yesterday was my first official campus visit. My mom and I met with my admission councilor Austin and talked about the school. He informed me that about 20 students from Senior will be at Rocky next year, and there were around 20 from last year too. This puts me at ease because I only knew 3 or 4 kids from Senior that were going there.

After talking for a few minutes, the three of us walked to the cafeteria to eat lunch. The variety wasn't too big, but the open-face turkey sandwiches my mom and I had were delicious.

Austin told us there were about 1000 students at Rocky. I really like that. He said the average class size is about 14 students with the largest being 60. Throughout my campus tour is saw nearly all(7) of the students that I know currently attend Rocky. That goes to show how small the place really is. But it also made me feel very at home. It's practically impossible for me to walk across campus without seeing someone I know. And I only know .01 of the population.

The buildings and grounds are very inviting too. The landscaping is just beautiful. The dorms aren't really that great, but I'm sure they are livable.

All in all, I'm now very excited to go to Rocky and I'm no longer hesitant that I made the right choice in schools. I can't wait for high school to be over and to move on to bigger things.

What's this all about?

Did you know talking in only questions can be quite fun? Is it challenging?
Is Oak Express natural? What else could keep Tim, Kade and I entertained for over an hour? Are you questioning our sanity? How could you not?

Do we enjoy pie a little too much? Did we have an epic evening of pie, cards and questions?

Was I wearing 3-D glasses with the lenses popped out? Did we rape that caramel apple pie? Why don't you decide for yourself?

Do you want to join us next time?

And she has feelings too?!?!?

I'm pretty overwhelmed at the time being and I have a few feelings I feel like sharing.
On 3/29/10 I wrote:

• Tremendously afraid of being hurt
• happy
• more excited than I have ever been
• confused
• overjoyed
• perfectly content
• scared to death I'll mess it up
• cautious
• quite
• reserved
• surprised
• warm
• pretty
• fun
• appreciated
• apprehensive

Maybe that's more than a few, and that's not even all of them I'm sure. I just don't know what to do and I feel so mixed up. and and and, blah.